I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
