Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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