I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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