You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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