had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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