she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
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