Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
