You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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