i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
