I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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