what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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