She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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