Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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