OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
When are your genitals available?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
