OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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