Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Randomize
