worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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