apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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