My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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