Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
