ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
