It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
