You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
