she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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