Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
