pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
