Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We left the knife in your bed.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
