i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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