My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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