weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do vagina's smell?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
