you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
