if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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