I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
