Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize