he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
