I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
