i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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