I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
