he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
