Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
