i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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