You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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