STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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