my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
