oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
