I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
