Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
