We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
