Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
