you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
