I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
